To recap this weekend:
Saturday: Spent my day alternating between cleaning my house/doing laundry/watching youtube videos and reading. We had Chik-Fil-A for dinner and that was about it.
Sunday: Around 2pm I went grocery shopping and then I did more laundry. I took a 3 hour nap and woke up at 8pm. I ate rice for dinner- don't ask me why. Seriously, I was just craving it for some reason. My sister called asking me what to do at an airport- this girl has seriously not flown in over 5 years since probably her trip to Mexico. lol! I was like....are you for real? When she asked if she could just wrap her stuff in plastic wrap instead of putting her 3ounce items in a quart sized bag- I was like "NO!!" Lol Once again- very exciting. Sidenote: I read a book called "A Monster Calls" by Patrick Ness and cried like an absolute baby at 12:30 at night. Seriously- it was so good. I also made lunch for my husband to take to work-not at 12:30 at night though. That came before.
Monday- Work was ok but I couldn't really stay focused for some reason and I just overall felt apathetic towards my workload all day. On the way home I called my dad and spoke to him about my sister and her business trip and some other things. When I came home S was already making dinner and I went to get the mail. When I came back in he said he had a surprise for me. He had bought the purse that I had been admiring a week or two ago. It is gorgeous! It is a tiny bit bittersweet though. The reason is that it is a designer purse by my what I consider my favorite somewhat affordable designer lol. Basically- it is wasn't cheap. I'd love to let people know the sweet thing that my husband did but then it would just come across as bragging and to be honest, I see too much of that on facebook as it is. I might just leave a vague comment thanking him for his thoughtfulness.
I also feel like I can't show it to my sister. Right now we are in different places financially, and again it would seem like I was bragging. It has gotten to the point where I don't even tell her when I have paid off another student loan-something that I'm very proud of myself for doing. Basically, my husband and I know that we will eventually have children and I will be staying at home with them. It's how he was raised and what he wants for our family and hey as long as we are able to pay our bills, put money in savings, and he doesn't mind the burden of supporting us well then I'm ok with it. I work full time right now and I have made it my mission to pay down my student loans as fast as I am able to. I don't want to have a ton of debt leftover when the time comes for me to stay at home. I don't want that burden on our family. My sister, however, I think gets jealous when I pay something off because she knows that S is paying all of the bills so I'm not paying for rent, utilities, food, etc. and at first I had a hard time with this but you know what...we are MARRIED and this is what works for us right now. I have friends that went to college and don't even work so give me a break- I'm doing this for my family's future. I could be selfish and just pay my minimums on my loans and spend the rest on stuff- but I don't and I won't. End of rant I suppose. I told S that I wasn't sure if I even wanted to bring the purse to Chicago when I go home to visit but he told me that I shouldn't feel guilty that he is able to afford the purse for me and that he got it for me and wanted me to use it. Well..we'll see.
Anyway, we had dinner and then I did some more laundry (washed our comforter) and bleached some socks- we'll see how those came out when I get home today. I also cleaned up downstairs during commercials. Tomorrow I am getting my rugs cleaned and I am so excited! Tonight I will have to get all of the things that I can from downstairs (small tables/lamps/coffee table) and stick it upstairs. Have I mentioned how excited I am about getting my carpet cleaned...because I seriously am! :) I'm not sure what we are doing for dinner yet but I'm sure it will probably be something low key- pasta or hot dogs most likely. Kind of in the pasta mood tonight. We'll see. More cleaning tonight- day by day my house is looking better.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Friday, July 11, 2014
My husband enjoys falling from perfectly good airplanes and hurting himself in the process
Text from S yesterday:
S: So...I need to get x-rays
S: But nothing's broken...
S: I think....
Le sigh. It turns out he has a lot of bruising/soft tissue damage in his left ankle and is hobbling around on crutches. The good thing is that he spends 8 hours a day in a classroom so he should be fine and he is on profile for PT which means he isn't required to work out in the morning currently. He was pretty cranky though last night when I went upstairs to go to bed.
Yesterday was a really weird day for me. A little back story. On July 10, 2012 my mom had surgery for a brain tumor they had just discovered. That day we found out that they weren't able to remove all of it and there wouldn't be much that we would be able to do. 4 months later and she was gone. I lived in NC and she was in Chicago. I saw her in October and that was the last time I saw her as herself. She was crying when she said goodbye but I told her not to cry I'd see her soon. At the time she was walking around, talking, and much more like herself. The next time I saw her she wasn't even conscious or able to talk and I never got to say goodbye the way I would have wanted to. This day means a lot to me because it is the day my world came crashing down on me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my mom and this time of year...well it is tough. I was hoping to get some support from my husband but he didn't even mention it at all to me- to ask if I was ok- he was too focused on his injury. Oh well.
I also have some things going on with my body right now but until I know more I'm not ready to discuss it with S and frankly, yesterday, I had no desire to.
Enough doom and gloom though- it's Friday and that has to count for something! Let's see...
I've been reading a lot more lately. I read two books last weekend and one book this week. My reading slump is definitely over. I have been getting much better about cleaning every night. I printed out a morning/night time routine but unfortunately my morning routine is severely lacking because I'm staying up too late and sleeping in far too much. It's something to work on.
I guess that's about it. I have to deposit my paycheck today and pay down some more of my student loan debt. Yay for all of my money going towards paying off my credit card/student loans. Sigh. :(
Hopefully today will be better.
S: So...I need to get x-rays
S: But nothing's broken...
S: I think....
Le sigh. It turns out he has a lot of bruising/soft tissue damage in his left ankle and is hobbling around on crutches. The good thing is that he spends 8 hours a day in a classroom so he should be fine and he is on profile for PT which means he isn't required to work out in the morning currently. He was pretty cranky though last night when I went upstairs to go to bed.
Yesterday was a really weird day for me. A little back story. On July 10, 2012 my mom had surgery for a brain tumor they had just discovered. That day we found out that they weren't able to remove all of it and there wouldn't be much that we would be able to do. 4 months later and she was gone. I lived in NC and she was in Chicago. I saw her in October and that was the last time I saw her as herself. She was crying when she said goodbye but I told her not to cry I'd see her soon. At the time she was walking around, talking, and much more like herself. The next time I saw her she wasn't even conscious or able to talk and I never got to say goodbye the way I would have wanted to. This day means a lot to me because it is the day my world came crashing down on me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my mom and this time of year...well it is tough. I was hoping to get some support from my husband but he didn't even mention it at all to me- to ask if I was ok- he was too focused on his injury. Oh well.
I also have some things going on with my body right now but until I know more I'm not ready to discuss it with S and frankly, yesterday, I had no desire to.
Enough doom and gloom though- it's Friday and that has to count for something! Let's see...
I've been reading a lot more lately. I read two books last weekend and one book this week. My reading slump is definitely over. I have been getting much better about cleaning every night. I printed out a morning/night time routine but unfortunately my morning routine is severely lacking because I'm staying up too late and sleeping in far too much. It's something to work on.
I guess that's about it. I have to deposit my paycheck today and pay down some more of my student loan debt. Yay for all of my money going towards paying off my credit card/student loans. Sigh. :(
Hopefully today will be better.
Monday, June 30, 2014
No extra laundry but hey cookies made from scratch count?
No extra laundry but hey cookies made from scratch count?
There is a running joke with my husband and I, albeit entirely at my expense. The joke is that I tell him that I plan on baking something. I’ll even get the ingredients and pans that are needed. I tell him I’m finally going to take that beautiful kitchen aid stand mixer that I HAD ALWAYS wanted and then was finally gifted it as a wedding present. He says ok….and then waits, and waits, and waits. And that cheese cake still hasn’t made itself yet. I think he laughs even harder when I say that when I become stay at home I’ll be making nice meals and desserts, and bread from scratch. He just stares at me blankly. Well I guess he has a reason to I suppose. Prove it, he tells me!
Well, I finally proved him wrong last night! Sort of…no cheesecake though. When I last left off I said that we had to figure out dinner, make a meal plan, and go grocery shopping. We did that but not exactly the way we had planned. We decided that there wasn’t really anything in the house to make and by the time we would get home it would probably be late. We were trying to think of somewhere we could eat and I suggested Panera Bread. (This girl can’t get enough of it.) After feeding our little Miss Charlotte and leaving Fox News on so she can get some good conservative view points) we headed out. In case anyone is interested we both opted to do the pick two combo. I had a greek salad and the sierra turkey with water (in a cup…to drink) and S had the Italian combo sandwich and some tomato soup thing…100 degrees in the South during the middle of Summer but sure why not? He also had water. Look at us trying to be all healthy.
Afterwards, meal planning consisted of the two minutes that it took to get from Panera Bread to Walmart. We planned food for three days and I told him I was going to get stuff to make cookies and ingredients for a new recipe. He was probably thinking, “Oh here we go again.” We finished grocery shopping but spent a little more than I was hoping to. We did buy a ten dollar blanket for the dog’s crate because she has already destroyed a bed, a 2 crate pads, and even took large chunks out of her plastic crate bottom- I kid you not. Oh Charlotte… We also bought two new baking pans for my cookies and some pizza pans.
When I got home after putting away the groceries something inspired me to make the cookies instead of putting it off. Who knew the stand mixer was so easy to operate!? How embarrassing that I put it off for so long. L Anyway, I was really happy with how they turned out! I even was good and made sure I cleaned up the kitchen afterwards! As you can imagine no extra laundry was done that night but I still felt pretty productive!
Sunday, June 29, 2014
15 minutes at a time
Right now I have about three minutes left
until my timer goes off and I need to get back to cleaning. Because hey...you
can do anything for 15 minutes at a time...well except hold your breath maybe
or hop around on one foot for 15 minutes or..well you get the point I'm
sure.
It is surprising how much you can get done though. Anyway... It's Sunday right now and almost noon. I guess it does sound kind of bad to say that I've only been productive for 15 whole minutes so far today. Oh well...
Let's see...recap of Friday-Sunday.
On Friday, the day that I had been dreading all month was actually very slow going and laid back. My boss was nice and ordered Mexican for me and my coworker, L. oops 15 minutes is up. Be right back!
Ok...I'm back.
So we had lunch, then I had to go to the bank, courthouse, and then another bank, and then I went home. I don't know what it is about me but for some reason whenever I get home from work and walk into the house I just feel so grumpy for some reason. I'm starting to think though its because I come home to a messy house and I'm not happy. This is why I need to get organized/clean. I want be able to look forward to coming home at the end of the day, maybe tidying up a couple things here/there- throwing in a load of laundry...it should never take someone all day to clean a house. I shouldn't feel absolutely exhausted after doing it.
Alright anyway, my husband picked up Thai food for us and we spent the night on the couch watching tv. We watched a documentary about a cult and I was like wow, well that was interesting. People are crazy lol.
Saturday morning dawned…but not bright and early. I’m a little disappointed because I decided to skip my yoga/cycling class. My workout friend was going on a cruise and to be honest..1. I wanted to sleep in and 2. I didn’t want it to take up most of my day (yoga- 10:30-11:30, cycling- 11:35-12:35) Get home around 1, eat, shower and it is already 2-3pm on most Saturdays. 3. To be completely honest I just didn’t feel like going by myself.
Well I eventually got up and showered. My husband and I drove into the town next to us and we had bbq and this place that his coworkers and him like to go to for lunch sometimes. It definitely is more of a country/ hole in the wall type place but it was really good. I had the bbq ribs, baked beans, and new potatoes. My husband had the bbq pork plate that came with bbq pork, baked beans, coleslaw, and of course a large roll to make a pork sandwich. We both had sweet tea. I will say this though…I was a little disappointed because the ribs were pretty much ice cold and the potatoes were lukewarm but the beans were nice and warm. My husband said that we had to take into account that it was a Saturday. He said during the week they are usually sitting there waiting for a new batch of food to be freshly made since they are so busy. We definitely came at the right time though. Right after we came in a couple came in, followed by a family, followed by some more couples/families. Like I said…perfect timing. Afterwards, S (my husband) took a few photos of an old water tower that was right next to the place. When he got his promotion this May he decided to reward himself with a nice camera. I’m just glad that he is getting some use out of that thing.
On the way home I mentioned that I was going to go into town and stop by TJ Maxx. I’m in desparate need of summer bottoms. Sadly, I am no longer size 1-3 anymore and I know fit into 4s for bottoms. I guess the only plus side is that no one can see what size you wear on your clothes. But still it is a little upsetting since most of my life I weighed under 110 and up until last year I still did. Now I average at 119 for some reason and can’t seem to lose any weight beyond that. I guess I need to workout more than once a week for two hours at a time. 15 minutes are up. You know the drill.
Ok, so I went to TJ Maxx and I was actually very successful. I found TWO Lauren by Ralph Lauren dresses one in navy and one in a pretty corol. To be honest, I LOVE Ralph Lauren but there is no way that you will find me paying $124-$200 for a dress. I always shop TJ Maxx for Ralph Lauren dresses and most of the time I’m never disappointed. Both dresses were each $49.99. I feel that the dresses are very flattering on my figure. If I see one by that designer and if it fits right/flattering I never hesitate to pick them up for work. I figure they are perfect for work and the design is so classic that I can also use them for any work related events that my husband has that requires you to be more dressed up. I currently own a red dress, a light green dress, a black cotton dress, a light blue dress, a beautiful dark purple dress that you wouldn’t believe how many compliments I get on it (seriously) and now a navy dress, and a coral dress. They had an orange dress but it wasn’t a good color for me. In addition to the dresses, I found a pair of denim shorts for $16, a BEAUTIFUL long skirt for under $20, a clear container for my makeup that will sit on the counter in my bathroom, some green kitchen towels, and a toy for my dog- which she destroyed in under an hour. Figures…that puppy of mine could probably chew through barbed wire.
After I paid I contemplated going to the mall or target but decided against it. Instead, I went next door to a music shop. Back in April my dad took my flute in and got it checked out. My husband brought it back with him and I have only played it once since then. I decided to see what they have so I could play once in a while. I picked up a music book for the musical Wicked and another one with Taylor Swift songs. I’m very happy with my purchases. As I was checking out, a light bulb went off in my head and I thought to ask them if they had any plugs for an open holed flute. I’ve noticed that one of my fingers wasn’t quite covering the hole last time I tried to play it. The guy asked the time of flute I had and he probably was like “This girl is an idiot. He started naming different flutes and then I was like, “Oh yeah! It’s a Sonare with a powell head joint.” I asked him to please forgive me because I haven’t played my flute in over 8 years so I was a little out of touch especially when he asked which key I needed it for.” He was like “F sharp? And I was like I think so?” My how embarrassing. He mentioned that there were some great people to do private lessons with if I was interested. I thanked him and took the information. He even found a plug for me and gave it to me free of charge!! How nice! To be honest I don’t really plan on taking lessons. I took lessons when I was in grade school and high school and dreaded them. Honestly, it was mainly because I wasn’t very good about practicing and looking back on it I feel bad for wasting my parent’s money. I did play in the band though for 12 years.
After that I went home and played my flute for an hour and the plug was perfect! We didn’t really do anything for dinner. My husband had left over bbq and some chicken from a couple nights ago. I had some Ramen…I know…weird right? I had food options but I wasn’t in the mood to make anything/ and nothing was really appealing to me. S watched Taxi Driver and I watched parts of it and read this blog I’ve been reading about this army wife that is having problems conceiving. I’m on year 2012 but I think with a sneak peek of the latest post she final ended up getting pregnant. She has A LOT of medical issues. I mean WOW a lot and is 42 trying to have kids. I feel for her but I almost feel like she should have known to try and have kids earlier. I know her husband is in the army and so is mine. We aren’t quite ready yet…maybe in a couple more months but I’m only 26. If I do end up having trouble conceiving we would have at least 10 years or more to try and get pregnant in different ways with younger eggs. It’s something you have to think about. And even if your husband might be gone during the birth or for your pregnancy…well that is just the sacrifice you have to make to get what you want in life.
Well that’s pretty much it. Like I said its Sunday at 1:13pm. I have spent 30 minutes cleaning and 30 minutes relaxing in 15 minute increments. I think I’ll play my flute in a while. We also have to meal plan, go grocery shopping, and plan dinner. All in all I’m going to clean some more and try to relax a little and do another load or two of laundry. Have a great day everyone!
It is surprising how much you can get done though. Anyway... It's Sunday right now and almost noon. I guess it does sound kind of bad to say that I've only been productive for 15 whole minutes so far today. Oh well...
Let's see...recap of Friday-Sunday.
On Friday, the day that I had been dreading all month was actually very slow going and laid back. My boss was nice and ordered Mexican for me and my coworker, L. oops 15 minutes is up. Be right back!
Ok...I'm back.
So we had lunch, then I had to go to the bank, courthouse, and then another bank, and then I went home. I don't know what it is about me but for some reason whenever I get home from work and walk into the house I just feel so grumpy for some reason. I'm starting to think though its because I come home to a messy house and I'm not happy. This is why I need to get organized/clean. I want be able to look forward to coming home at the end of the day, maybe tidying up a couple things here/there- throwing in a load of laundry...it should never take someone all day to clean a house. I shouldn't feel absolutely exhausted after doing it.
Alright anyway, my husband picked up Thai food for us and we spent the night on the couch watching tv. We watched a documentary about a cult and I was like wow, well that was interesting. People are crazy lol.
Saturday morning dawned…but not bright and early. I’m a little disappointed because I decided to skip my yoga/cycling class. My workout friend was going on a cruise and to be honest..1. I wanted to sleep in and 2. I didn’t want it to take up most of my day (yoga- 10:30-11:30, cycling- 11:35-12:35) Get home around 1, eat, shower and it is already 2-3pm on most Saturdays. 3. To be completely honest I just didn’t feel like going by myself.
Well I eventually got up and showered. My husband and I drove into the town next to us and we had bbq and this place that his coworkers and him like to go to for lunch sometimes. It definitely is more of a country/ hole in the wall type place but it was really good. I had the bbq ribs, baked beans, and new potatoes. My husband had the bbq pork plate that came with bbq pork, baked beans, coleslaw, and of course a large roll to make a pork sandwich. We both had sweet tea. I will say this though…I was a little disappointed because the ribs were pretty much ice cold and the potatoes were lukewarm but the beans were nice and warm. My husband said that we had to take into account that it was a Saturday. He said during the week they are usually sitting there waiting for a new batch of food to be freshly made since they are so busy. We definitely came at the right time though. Right after we came in a couple came in, followed by a family, followed by some more couples/families. Like I said…perfect timing. Afterwards, S (my husband) took a few photos of an old water tower that was right next to the place. When he got his promotion this May he decided to reward himself with a nice camera. I’m just glad that he is getting some use out of that thing.
On the way home I mentioned that I was going to go into town and stop by TJ Maxx. I’m in desparate need of summer bottoms. Sadly, I am no longer size 1-3 anymore and I know fit into 4s for bottoms. I guess the only plus side is that no one can see what size you wear on your clothes. But still it is a little upsetting since most of my life I weighed under 110 and up until last year I still did. Now I average at 119 for some reason and can’t seem to lose any weight beyond that. I guess I need to workout more than once a week for two hours at a time. 15 minutes are up. You know the drill.
Ok, so I went to TJ Maxx and I was actually very successful. I found TWO Lauren by Ralph Lauren dresses one in navy and one in a pretty corol. To be honest, I LOVE Ralph Lauren but there is no way that you will find me paying $124-$200 for a dress. I always shop TJ Maxx for Ralph Lauren dresses and most of the time I’m never disappointed. Both dresses were each $49.99. I feel that the dresses are very flattering on my figure. If I see one by that designer and if it fits right/flattering I never hesitate to pick them up for work. I figure they are perfect for work and the design is so classic that I can also use them for any work related events that my husband has that requires you to be more dressed up. I currently own a red dress, a light green dress, a black cotton dress, a light blue dress, a beautiful dark purple dress that you wouldn’t believe how many compliments I get on it (seriously) and now a navy dress, and a coral dress. They had an orange dress but it wasn’t a good color for me. In addition to the dresses, I found a pair of denim shorts for $16, a BEAUTIFUL long skirt for under $20, a clear container for my makeup that will sit on the counter in my bathroom, some green kitchen towels, and a toy for my dog- which she destroyed in under an hour. Figures…that puppy of mine could probably chew through barbed wire.
After I paid I contemplated going to the mall or target but decided against it. Instead, I went next door to a music shop. Back in April my dad took my flute in and got it checked out. My husband brought it back with him and I have only played it once since then. I decided to see what they have so I could play once in a while. I picked up a music book for the musical Wicked and another one with Taylor Swift songs. I’m very happy with my purchases. As I was checking out, a light bulb went off in my head and I thought to ask them if they had any plugs for an open holed flute. I’ve noticed that one of my fingers wasn’t quite covering the hole last time I tried to play it. The guy asked the time of flute I had and he probably was like “This girl is an idiot. He started naming different flutes and then I was like, “Oh yeah! It’s a Sonare with a powell head joint.” I asked him to please forgive me because I haven’t played my flute in over 8 years so I was a little out of touch especially when he asked which key I needed it for.” He was like “F sharp? And I was like I think so?” My how embarrassing. He mentioned that there were some great people to do private lessons with if I was interested. I thanked him and took the information. He even found a plug for me and gave it to me free of charge!! How nice! To be honest I don’t really plan on taking lessons. I took lessons when I was in grade school and high school and dreaded them. Honestly, it was mainly because I wasn’t very good about practicing and looking back on it I feel bad for wasting my parent’s money. I did play in the band though for 12 years.
After that I went home and played my flute for an hour and the plug was perfect! We didn’t really do anything for dinner. My husband had left over bbq and some chicken from a couple nights ago. I had some Ramen…I know…weird right? I had food options but I wasn’t in the mood to make anything/ and nothing was really appealing to me. S watched Taxi Driver and I watched parts of it and read this blog I’ve been reading about this army wife that is having problems conceiving. I’m on year 2012 but I think with a sneak peek of the latest post she final ended up getting pregnant. She has A LOT of medical issues. I mean WOW a lot and is 42 trying to have kids. I feel for her but I almost feel like she should have known to try and have kids earlier. I know her husband is in the army and so is mine. We aren’t quite ready yet…maybe in a couple more months but I’m only 26. If I do end up having trouble conceiving we would have at least 10 years or more to try and get pregnant in different ways with younger eggs. It’s something you have to think about. And even if your husband might be gone during the birth or for your pregnancy…well that is just the sacrifice you have to make to get what you want in life.
Well that’s pretty much it. Like I said its Sunday at 1:13pm. I have spent 30 minutes cleaning and 30 minutes relaxing in 15 minute increments. I think I’ll play my flute in a while. We also have to meal plan, go grocery shopping, and plan dinner. All in all I’m going to clean some more and try to relax a little and do another load or two of laundry. Have a great day everyone!
Friday, June 27, 2014
To be or not to be...to have a baby..or not to have a baby....
There is a frequent trend that occurs in our townhouse. Every single month I get this ridiculous worry of what if I'm pregnant even though we are well I suppose cautious...I guess you could say. Every single day I seem to flip flop on my wants/desires. One day I'm ready to join my other friends and have a baby. I have these fantasies (haha) of being content as a stay at home mom where I can be happy and have my husband come home every day to a clean house and a nice, healthy meal on the table. Baking desserts that he can take to work with him. I know in all reality it probably won't be like that but I can dream right? I mean for goodness sake plenty of people have babies heck I know some people who are my age and there child is 7 years old.
Then I start to flipflop. Recently, I've just started to get into shape and I'm starting to feel better about myself and my body again. I start to think I should wait a month or two or maybe a couple of months. I'm only 26- I know I have time. I also kind of feel guilty because my sister is a year older than me and isn't even engaged to her boyfriend yet. I'd feel kind of guilty for be younger, married, and a mother. I know I shouldn't think like that though. The other thing is my husband. I know he will make a great dad but can I even guarantee that he would be around for the birth or for the first couple of months? What if he is on a short term deployment? It's a little vain but I worry about being fat. What if I don't lose the weight after? I'm scared of the symptoms, I hate being nauseous...I don't know it's a lot to think about.
But here is the thing I want to break a cycle in my family. The cycle of older parents/grandparents. My mom had me at 38. She also passed away at 63 due to a brain tumor. My grandma is 96. I just want to have my children at a young age and to be able to still be youngish when they are in college, to be a grandparent and enjoy my grandchildren...I just want the old age cycle to stop.
I also wonder if I want a baby because it seems like everyone else is having one. I hope it isn't because of that. I mean my husband and I would be able to support a child financially and I think we are mature enough- I know that I'll be stay at home mom possibly for the rest of my life. Will I be ok with not having an income of my own? Will I regret it/ resent it? I don't know...
We are moving in a couple of months to a rental house (that we do not have yet) and I feel like September would be a good time to start trying...but am I ready?
Then I start to flipflop. Recently, I've just started to get into shape and I'm starting to feel better about myself and my body again. I start to think I should wait a month or two or maybe a couple of months. I'm only 26- I know I have time. I also kind of feel guilty because my sister is a year older than me and isn't even engaged to her boyfriend yet. I'd feel kind of guilty for be younger, married, and a mother. I know I shouldn't think like that though. The other thing is my husband. I know he will make a great dad but can I even guarantee that he would be around for the birth or for the first couple of months? What if he is on a short term deployment? It's a little vain but I worry about being fat. What if I don't lose the weight after? I'm scared of the symptoms, I hate being nauseous...I don't know it's a lot to think about.
But here is the thing I want to break a cycle in my family. The cycle of older parents/grandparents. My mom had me at 38. She also passed away at 63 due to a brain tumor. My grandma is 96. I just want to have my children at a young age and to be able to still be youngish when they are in college, to be a grandparent and enjoy my grandchildren...I just want the old age cycle to stop.
I also wonder if I want a baby because it seems like everyone else is having one. I hope it isn't because of that. I mean my husband and I would be able to support a child financially and I think we are mature enough- I know that I'll be stay at home mom possibly for the rest of my life. Will I be ok with not having an income of my own? Will I regret it/ resent it? I don't know...
We are moving in a couple of months to a rental house (that we do not have yet) and I feel like September would be a good time to start trying...but am I ready?
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Well that post was never finished...oops
Alright, well first of all Happy Summer. When I last left you (nonexistent readers) it was February. I never ended up finishing that one post that I wrote and I had some very not nice feelings about someone and you know what...months later it is just laughable. I think I was concerned about people's reactions to me getting a dog and some were not super favorable.Not in terms of ownership but more so because people were questioning the type of breed it was. But in the end...my husband and I love our little Miss Charlotte. She destroys everything we give her but so far nothing of our own stuff. She is a cuddle bug and always greets you at the door with a wagging tail (that is if you get home after your husband). She is an absolute darling- watch now she will do something awful today. Good thing I won't be home to deal with it. :p Have fun hubby!
Anyway....
I really want to get back into writing on a daily basis. (LMAO like that will actually happen with me) However, I shall make an honest attempt at it. There really isn't much to say but let's see. Well first of all, in terms of keeping my house clean- we are getting better but we definitely aren't there yet. I implemented a plan with my husband where we set the timer on the microwave for 15 minutes and we see how much we can get done downstairs in the kitchen, living room, dining room, and front hall in those fifteen minutes. I think knowing that there is an end in sight helps him to want to help me clean. Hey-I'll take whatever I can get. We try to do this every night. On the plus side the surface cleaning looks nice but I need to remember to do some dusting/organize cabinets...but there is always tomorrow? Why oh why do simple tasks like that seem like it will be never ending and you just want to put it off forever? Maybe I can just set a timer for 15 minutes and try to do one cabinet or heck maybe even one shelf at a time. I'm kind of scared of my kitchen island cabinets...no joke.
Upstairs is another story and it seems like the first floor is well not so much company ready- more so I'd be ok with opening my door if my neighbor or UPS man knocks on it. However, I'd be mortified if someone had to go upstairs. The hall is full of laundry, my bedroom/2nd bedroom, bathroom are all a mess. The sad thing is this area should be peaceful, an oasis. Somewhere pleasant that I want to hang out in- instead I just go upstairs when it is time for bed and spend most of the night downstairs...in front of the tv...gulp. I wish the 15 minutes plan that we do downstairs could maybe make its way upstairs?
In my husband's defense- I will say this. He cooks a lot of dinners and at his job right now his status is being a student. He is in class from 8-4 every day and then does a study session for an hour. At night he spends 3-4 hours studying. He isn't just sitting there and doing nothing all night (kind of like I am when I get wrapped up in tv. I just need to do some cleaning upstairs and downstairs- and then allow myself to watch some tv.
The truth is though- I feel completely burned out when I get home. I clean up after dinner and then think about upstairs and I'm just so tired. It's not like I have kids and have to do stuff for them- but I'm just burned out. I just need to grab my phone, set a timer, and GET IT DONE! I guess I just feel embarrassed because it seems like my friend's houses are clean ALL the time. I guess in my defense though- one works from home, another one works part time as a nanny, and another one also works part time at two different jobs. They have more flexible schedules and probably spend more time at home. Sometimes, ok a lot of times I sit there at work and fantasize what it would be like to stay at home, clean, make nice meals for my husband and take care of things- to have the time and energy to take care of things. Then I realize that won't happen until I have children and I'll probably be so stressed out at that point that I will be sitting there dreaming about going to work everyday. I guess I can't win. lol.
Well tonight I'm getting dinner with some friends so I am excited for that. I hate when I'm the one that picks the place to eat because I'm always so worried that something bad will happen and people won't have a nice time. But honestly...how badly can Panera Bread screw something up? I'm sure it will be fine. Wish me luck and someone make me get my butt in gear and spend some times upstairs cleaning tonight- heck-even if it is only for 5-10 minutes...something!
Anyway....
I really want to get back into writing on a daily basis. (LMAO like that will actually happen with me) However, I shall make an honest attempt at it. There really isn't much to say but let's see. Well first of all, in terms of keeping my house clean- we are getting better but we definitely aren't there yet. I implemented a plan with my husband where we set the timer on the microwave for 15 minutes and we see how much we can get done downstairs in the kitchen, living room, dining room, and front hall in those fifteen minutes. I think knowing that there is an end in sight helps him to want to help me clean. Hey-I'll take whatever I can get. We try to do this every night. On the plus side the surface cleaning looks nice but I need to remember to do some dusting/organize cabinets...but there is always tomorrow? Why oh why do simple tasks like that seem like it will be never ending and you just want to put it off forever? Maybe I can just set a timer for 15 minutes and try to do one cabinet or heck maybe even one shelf at a time. I'm kind of scared of my kitchen island cabinets...no joke.
Upstairs is another story and it seems like the first floor is well not so much company ready- more so I'd be ok with opening my door if my neighbor or UPS man knocks on it. However, I'd be mortified if someone had to go upstairs. The hall is full of laundry, my bedroom/2nd bedroom, bathroom are all a mess. The sad thing is this area should be peaceful, an oasis. Somewhere pleasant that I want to hang out in- instead I just go upstairs when it is time for bed and spend most of the night downstairs...in front of the tv...gulp. I wish the 15 minutes plan that we do downstairs could maybe make its way upstairs?
In my husband's defense- I will say this. He cooks a lot of dinners and at his job right now his status is being a student. He is in class from 8-4 every day and then does a study session for an hour. At night he spends 3-4 hours studying. He isn't just sitting there and doing nothing all night (kind of like I am when I get wrapped up in tv. I just need to do some cleaning upstairs and downstairs- and then allow myself to watch some tv.
The truth is though- I feel completely burned out when I get home. I clean up after dinner and then think about upstairs and I'm just so tired. It's not like I have kids and have to do stuff for them- but I'm just burned out. I just need to grab my phone, set a timer, and GET IT DONE! I guess I just feel embarrassed because it seems like my friend's houses are clean ALL the time. I guess in my defense though- one works from home, another one works part time as a nanny, and another one also works part time at two different jobs. They have more flexible schedules and probably spend more time at home. Sometimes, ok a lot of times I sit there at work and fantasize what it would be like to stay at home, clean, make nice meals for my husband and take care of things- to have the time and energy to take care of things. Then I realize that won't happen until I have children and I'll probably be so stressed out at that point that I will be sitting there dreaming about going to work everyday. I guess I can't win. lol.
Well tonight I'm getting dinner with some friends so I am excited for that. I hate when I'm the one that picks the place to eat because I'm always so worried that something bad will happen and people won't have a nice time. But honestly...how badly can Panera Bread screw something up? I'm sure it will be fine. Wish me luck and someone make me get my butt in gear and spend some times upstairs cleaning tonight- heck-even if it is only for 5-10 minutes...something!
Bless your Heart...not.
Whatever happened to if you don't got something nice to say don't say anything at all? I miss those simpler times when people were not outright rude. Being in the South, we have a kinder way of being mean to others. We'll say something like "Well bless your heart." or "Bless her heart, but...." and then we say something mean...but in the most polite way possible. You all know since I've about bashed it into your heads by now that I'm from the Midwest. We are rude, sarcastic people-but usually we mean it in the most loving way. In fact, 90% of my relationship with my husband is based on pure sarcasm towards one another...and we love it. I guess I just don't understand how people feel like they have the right to say whatever they want to someone even if it is mean or cutting. I just wasn't raised that way. My mom ALWAYS told me to be nice- and I always remind myself to be nice to others even if they are being mean or nasty because we never know what kind of battles that person may be fighting in their personal lives. Anyway, I guess I should backtrack and explain by recapping the weekend starting from Friday since well...it's my blog and I like writing about what I do/did during the week. It's like my own personal memory book.
FRIDAY/ aka VALENTINE's DAY/ aka A DAY OF REMEMBRANCE
To quickly catch up it snowed from Tuesday-Thursday last week so I left work at 2pm on Tuesday and didn't return until Friday. There caught up. :) I went into work at 8:30 but it turns out I didn't get the memo so no one else came in until 10. I didn't really mind though because I got to work on things before anyone else came in. I ended up staying a full day on Friday. After work I went to the bank and then went home. The plan was to go to dinner at a low key place (Jason's Deli) and then go to the second hand bookstore-one of our favorite places in town. Well after it took us almost an hour to get there with crazy, crazy traffic I actually threatened to get out of the car and walk there. I was THAT hungry. It probably doesn't help that I hadn't really eaten ANYTHING all day. Sigh. Well we made it there and I got to get rid of my hunger pains. :) After dinner we went to the bookstore and I bought umm....7-10 books? I'm not sure about the exact count but in my defense....the total cost was only around $30 for all of them. That wonderful bookstore has gotten me to the point that I walk into Barnes & Nobles see that they want $17-30 for one book and it just makes me want to walk out lol. I have become way too cheap lately. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. After that we went home, poured ourselves a drink, and watched two episodes of the new season of House of Cards on Netflix. If you haven't watched season one on it I highly recommend it to you. Well not a bad way to end Valentine's day. Now I'm sure you are wondering about the Day of Remembrance part. Ok, six years ago a shooting occurred at my university on Valentine's Day. It ended with 5 people dead plus the shooter and over 20 people injured. It is considered the 5th deadliest university shootings in the United States. It's been 6 years but I was there that day at school and it is something that my college friends and I will never forget. It is a great reminder to live every day to the fullest and to never take anything for granted. Ok...onto Saturday.
THE DAY OUR LIVES CHANGED...FOOOREEEVVVEEERRR (CUT TO THE SANDLOT CLIP)
On Saturday we got up and figured out our plans for the day. Ok...actually my husband got up and then he dragged me out of bed quite literally- so business as usual. The first thing I did was call our tax guy and let him know that we were stopping by his office to sign our taxes and pay him...and the state. Win some lose some right? After we put a dent in our bank account we went to the finest dining in town- The International House of Pancakes. Maybe you have heard of it? In some circles it is known as IHOP. After a twenty minute wait in a restaurant that has not one but two waiting areas, we were finally seated. Time actually went by fast though and soon I was sipping coffee and throwing a plastic container of creamer at my husband. I don't remember why to be honest. Very mature right? I ordered a plate of hashbrowns-yum (sidenote-one of the very few places you can get ACTUAL hashbrowns instead of weird potato pellets- thanks NC) and the Bacon Temptation Omelette- let me just say it was less tempting then you think. Ugh. After breakfast we went to look at couches because we have been planning on new couches for a while (belated Christmas gift to ourselves.) We found a set we really liked but we were worried about having enough space. The joy of living in a small rented townhouse. Sigh. We decided to go home and measure the space out again-this time focusing more on actual width versus length. Meanwhile, I spent the car ride telling my husband how it seems like we always have to settle due to the military- and that I was sick of settling. Earlier that day my friend the animal lover had sent me a text telling me that Petsmart was doing Animal Adoptions. We decided to go there just to look at some cute puppies to cheer me up. Ten minutes later after arriving at Petsmart we were signing adoption papers-ummm....what!!?!?!?!?
FRIDAY/ aka VALENTINE's DAY/ aka A DAY OF REMEMBRANCE
To quickly catch up it snowed from Tuesday-Thursday last week so I left work at 2pm on Tuesday and didn't return until Friday. There caught up. :) I went into work at 8:30 but it turns out I didn't get the memo so no one else came in until 10. I didn't really mind though because I got to work on things before anyone else came in. I ended up staying a full day on Friday. After work I went to the bank and then went home. The plan was to go to dinner at a low key place (Jason's Deli) and then go to the second hand bookstore-one of our favorite places in town. Well after it took us almost an hour to get there with crazy, crazy traffic I actually threatened to get out of the car and walk there. I was THAT hungry. It probably doesn't help that I hadn't really eaten ANYTHING all day. Sigh. Well we made it there and I got to get rid of my hunger pains. :) After dinner we went to the bookstore and I bought umm....7-10 books? I'm not sure about the exact count but in my defense....the total cost was only around $30 for all of them. That wonderful bookstore has gotten me to the point that I walk into Barnes & Nobles see that they want $17-30 for one book and it just makes me want to walk out lol. I have become way too cheap lately. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. After that we went home, poured ourselves a drink, and watched two episodes of the new season of House of Cards on Netflix. If you haven't watched season one on it I highly recommend it to you. Well not a bad way to end Valentine's day. Now I'm sure you are wondering about the Day of Remembrance part. Ok, six years ago a shooting occurred at my university on Valentine's Day. It ended with 5 people dead plus the shooter and over 20 people injured. It is considered the 5th deadliest university shootings in the United States. It's been 6 years but I was there that day at school and it is something that my college friends and I will never forget. It is a great reminder to live every day to the fullest and to never take anything for granted. Ok...onto Saturday.
THE DAY OUR LIVES CHANGED...FOOOREEEVVVEEERRR (CUT TO THE SANDLOT CLIP)
On Saturday we got up and figured out our plans for the day. Ok...actually my husband got up and then he dragged me out of bed quite literally- so business as usual. The first thing I did was call our tax guy and let him know that we were stopping by his office to sign our taxes and pay him...and the state. Win some lose some right? After we put a dent in our bank account we went to the finest dining in town- The International House of Pancakes. Maybe you have heard of it? In some circles it is known as IHOP. After a twenty minute wait in a restaurant that has not one but two waiting areas, we were finally seated. Time actually went by fast though and soon I was sipping coffee and throwing a plastic container of creamer at my husband. I don't remember why to be honest. Very mature right? I ordered a plate of hashbrowns-yum (sidenote-one of the very few places you can get ACTUAL hashbrowns instead of weird potato pellets- thanks NC) and the Bacon Temptation Omelette- let me just say it was less tempting then you think. Ugh. After breakfast we went to look at couches because we have been planning on new couches for a while (belated Christmas gift to ourselves.) We found a set we really liked but we were worried about having enough space. The joy of living in a small rented townhouse. Sigh. We decided to go home and measure the space out again-this time focusing more on actual width versus length. Meanwhile, I spent the car ride telling my husband how it seems like we always have to settle due to the military- and that I was sick of settling. Earlier that day my friend the animal lover had sent me a text telling me that Petsmart was doing Animal Adoptions. We decided to go there just to look at some cute puppies to cheer me up. Ten minutes later after arriving at Petsmart we were signing adoption papers-ummm....what!!?!?!?!?
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