Trying to get my act together and magical lists.

I don't know what it has been about me lately but it seems like I cannot get my ducks all lined up in a row for the life of me. I've always been a procrastinator but I just feel like it is all getting out of control lately. Every morning I wake up and don't get out of bed until the last and I mean last possible minute and then completely stress myself out by getting ready. I'm talking about waking up less than ten minutes before I leave my house-that bad. Did I get my outfit ready the night before? No. Did I think about what I was going to wear in the morning. Yes- but do I have any idea where that cardigan is that I need to wear so I'm not wearing an albeit cute, but sleeveless dress to work in 36 degree weather? Nope. The only thing  I can usually be counted on is to know where my phone and charger is in the morning. Do I get my lunch ready the night before? Nope. If I'm lucky I grab a frozen Stouffer's entree and run out the door. If-I'm lucky.  Otherwise I'm scrambling in my pantry trying to find something I can take with me-if I even end up eating lunch. Now how about this? Do I even make coffee in the morning? Not unless I wake up earlier and have some time. Here is the most embarrassing thing. I own a Keurig and I don't have a single minute to spare while the water heats up to make the coffee. I usually run out the door with a can of Pepsi in my hand to get my day started. It's that bad. Then I rush, rush, rush to work and usually end up showing up five minutes late on average. My new start time might as well be 8:35 but then if that was the case I wouldn't make it in until 8:40. See what I mean?

Then I'm at work. I'm usually busy but not overwhelmingly so. Usually I have a moment to check my facebook or read an update on a blog. I also try to keep up with my emails. It can get overwhelming fast. About a year I discovered this website called flylady.net. It is supposed to help you establish routines, cleaning patterns, getting rid of clutter, and regaining control of your life. A ton of people swear by it. I started off by reading her daily emails and I even bought the kindle version of her book and some of the cleaning supplies on the website. She starts off by saying the very first thing to do is clean you sink and keep it clean every single day. I can't even seem to do that. I'll do it for one day-get inspired. The next day my husband has left dishes in the sink and I'm already over it. I read all these testimonials of people with clean houses-organized lives and I think why am I so lazy-why can't I even commit to decluttering or organizing for 15 minutes of the day. I'll read the daily emails from the site and I get so inspired and called to action and want to clean and...I'm still at work. So I can't. I finally leave at 5pm after working 8.5 hours without a lunch break. We don't close the office during lunch so I have a "working lunch" meaning eat at my desk for 10-15 minutes and continue to work. I don't have the opportunity to run any errands and I don't even really have the chance to leave the office, relax for a bit, and basically recharge myself for the afternoon. I just keep working and trying to desperately to come up with an idea for dinner. Because of course we haven't meal planned, haven't gone to the store in a while, or if we have we didn't preplan meals before going to the grocery store. I mean is this supposed to all fall on me since I'm the woman or should I be getting more help-more input from my husband?

Now I'm driving home. Traffic is bad as usual on the main street I have to take home. There isn't any back ways to get home and I just need to choose the lesser of two evils to make it home. I get home after about 20-25 minutes. If I'm lucky I don't have to stop at the grocery store. If I'm not-I usually get home around 6pm. I get out of my car, check the mail, open the door, drop all of my stuff on the ground. Now I usually need to start making dinner. My husband comes home I'm frazzled and not even really happy to see him since I'm so busy cooking. We eat dinner in front of the tv which probably makes dinner last much longer than it should. Now I have no desire to clean, no desire to do laundry, and no desire to organize myself. Get my lunch ready? Nope. Do a load of laundry? Nope. But I have plenty of time to watch hours and hours of tv, plenty of time to go online, plenty of time to do anything that isn't productive. I stay up until midnight or 1am because otherwise I feel like I wasted my night/my day but yet I don't accomplish anything.  I need all of this to change. I need some magical list that completes itself as soon as I right the item down. I need to grow and take responsibility for myself and my home. I need to stop acting like such a martyr and suck it up.